{"id":2888,"date":"2020-06-14T14:31:16","date_gmt":"2020-06-14T18:31:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.otownmedia.com\/blog\/the-bank-heist-pdf-copy\/"},"modified":"2021-10-06T22:45:25","modified_gmt":"2021-10-07T02:45:25","slug":"the-cookie-curse","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.otownmedia.com\/blog\/the-cookie-curse\/","title":{"rendered":"
The Cookie Course<\/div>"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Freihofer's<\/p>\n

\n
\nThe suspicion was that the cookies, when eaten, caused one to curse uncontrollably. So the Doctor and Mr. Flannagan set about to test the rumor.<\/p>\n

First, they bought all the cookies they could lay their hands on.<\/p>\n

Then, they ran off a call for volunteers. The flyer had little strips along the bottom with the Doctor\u2019s phone number. Soon as they posted the flyer at the college, students immediately started calling.<\/p>\n

\u201cEat cookies?\u201d they would ask. \u201cBe in Meeting Hall 3 by 10 a.m. Tuesday,\u201d Mr. Flannagan would say.<\/p>\n

On Tuesday morning at 9:50 Meeting Hall 3 was filled to capacity.<\/p>\n

Aspiring volunteers crammed the gallery. The Doctor chose the first four subjects, motioning them to please step forward to the table at the front of the hall and be seated. Then both he and Mr. Flannagan retired behind the lecture podium. The Doctor called the experiment to order.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis is a test,\u201d he explained. \u201cIt is rumored that the confections in these boxes,\u201d Mr. Flannagan gestured to cartons of cookies lining the back wall, \u201cwill cause uncontrollable cursing including enraged expletives and swears of a hair-curling variety.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt remains to be seen,\u201d continued Mr. Flannagan addressing the crowd, \u201cif these unconfirmed reports are true. The young people here will find out.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo brave,\u201d murmured the Doctor.<\/p>\n

Mr. Flannagan reached into a carton and withdrew a box of cookies. With scientific preciseness, he grasped the cardboard tear strip and tore. The strip released smoothly unlocking the baked goods inside. Scooping up a handful, Mr. Flannagan tossed cookies to the volunteers, one to a subject.<\/p>\n

Karen was from a Methodist family in Iowa. Her choice of undergraduate school and course of study had not pleased her immediate family, much less her relatives. A city college was rife with nonstop temptation and the study of philosophy was guaranteed to put an end to her belief in the Lord and the Evils of Sin. So when Karen saw the flyer, still smelling of ditto ink, she knew she must participate in the experiment. If anyone was less likely to swear under the circumstances, it would be a conscientious Methodist, she thought.<\/p>\n

When Barbara heard of the experiment, she immediately called her ex-boyfriend. \u201cWhen I start cursing,\u201c she sneered over the phone, \u201cyour ears are gonna fall off. You\u2019ll know you lousy crumb, that it will be meant for you, you two-timing creep.\u201c<\/p>\n

If there was anyone less likely to participate in the experiment in the first place it would have been Nancy. She had lived in the suburbs all her life and had gone to the kind of private girl\u2019s academy where white gloves at<\/p>\n

school assemblies were de rigueur. The annual cotillion saw Nancy, in pink with a carnation corsage bracelet on her wrist, escorted by a skinny gentleman whose persona extended about as far as the tips of his shoes. Nancy, incredibly enough, was able to honestly say she knew not one single colorful curse word. She was in the experiment as part of an independent study course. (In fact, Nancy had heard people swearing on several occasions, but she thought they were speaking a foreign language.)<\/p>\n

Larry was stoned. He figured he would write the whole experience up for the alternative college newspaper \u201cThe Poop\u201d. A wimpy fellow longing for attention, Larry wanted the limelight. The cookie curse experiment was just the ticket to notoriety.<\/p>\n

With cookies distributed to the subjects, the Doctor began. \u201cNow, \u201c he said pointing to Karen, \u201cif you would listen closely. I will signal you and you will ingest the sweet. At the same time, I will start the watch. When you feel any changes, or when we, Mr. Flannagan and myself, observe any of same, we will stop the watch and turn this on,\u201d he pointed to an elaborate tape recorder at his side. \u201cIs that clear?\u201d Karen nodded.<\/p>\n

With the sureness born of faith in higher powers, Karen popped the cookie into her mouth whole. A hush fell over the assembly. The other subjects sat in tense expectation.<\/p>\n

It was a chocolate chip cookie. An incredibly fresh chocolate chip cookie. The morsels inside were still melty and the cookie dough chewy. Karen smiled.<\/p>\n

\u201cThish coughkie ish delishoush,\u201c she said.<\/p>\n

Mr. Flannagan sighed. He loved sweets. His eyes had misted over when the aroma of that first box of cookies filled his nostrils. He looked longingly at the four subjects and wished he had volunteered. Realizing that all eyes were on Karen and the open box of cookies lay invitingly before him, Mr. Flannagan reached in, took a cookie and ate it.<\/p>\n

A full minute went by. Karen had thoroughly chewed and swallowed the cookie, run her tongue around her mouth for leftovers and now sat waiting for something to happen. The silence in the room was almost audible.<\/p>\n

At the end of five long minutes, the Doctor cleared his throat, stopped the watch and turned off the tape recorder which, in his excitement, he had turned on despite his own instructions.<\/p>\n

\u201cAhem. Well,\u201d he said. He paused and looked at Mr. Flannagan, who innocently looked back the taste of cookie lingering in his mouth. Mr. Flannagan has managed to eat three cookies while waiting for Karen\u2019s reaction. He had discovered the box contained an assortment of cookies rather than just one kind. Curiosity about what other delights the box contained caused his to state profoundly, \u201cWe must go on to the next subject, Doctor.\u201d<\/p>\n

Karen was pleased. The power of Methodism had more far reaching effects than she had thought. She mentally praised the Lord for enabling her to withstand the onslaughts of bad language. She caught up her books and arrived early to her 11:10 class, \u201cDesigns in Negative Thinking Processes Among Aboriginal Natives.\u201d<\/p>\n

After his first feelings of confusion, the Doctor drew on his scientific training and began to busily make notes on his clipboard, as if there were something to write about. He motioned to Barbara to wait. When he felt the crowd was ready to witness another attempt, he nodded to her.<\/p>\n

Barbara would have been just as glad to eat a whole box of cookies instead of just one. Not to be outdone by Karen, she too popped the whole thing into her mouth giving the toss a little loft for effect.<\/p>\n

The cookie landed square in the back of her throat. She gagged and began to choke. Coughing violently, she spewed cookie all over. Larry rose to her assistance, slapping her back. Nancy queried over and over, \u201cAre you all right? Gosh, are you all right?\u201d The crowd shouted advice. \u201cSlap her harder!\u201d \u201cTell her to breathe deeply!\u201d Lift your arms over your head!\u201d<\/p>\n

In the confusion, Mr. Flannagan finished off his first box of cookies. As far as he could determine they were all different, every one. Mint leaves, lace cookies, sugar cookies with pink icing, chocolate filled coconut – the variety was quite credible, he thought.<\/p>\n

Meanwhile Larry was getting anxious. The experiment was turning into a disaster. There was no point in sticking around; nothing was going to happen. Larry had it planned that he would be the only subject to withstand the cookie curse. That surely was not working out.<\/p>\n

\u201cLookit, Doctor,\u201d he spoke up suddenly. \u201cI\u2019ve had it with this so-called test. Count me out, okay?\u201d With a dispirited nod from the Doctor, Larry exited the meeting hall.<\/p>\n

Now Nancy sat alone at the long table. Cookie crumbs, wet and dry littered her left, Larry\u2019s abandoned cookie on her right and her own challenge before her. She gulped.<\/p>\n

The Doctor, watching his experiment disintegrate before his eyes, signed and said quietly, \u201cPlease go ahead.\u201d<\/p>\n

As Nancy timidly sampled her cookies, Mr. Flannagan finished off his second box. He felt satiated and oddly satisfied. He leaned back in his chair watching Nancy nibble daintily as the crowd watched hungrily.<\/p>\n

\u201cEat faster, you dumb c—-!\u201d<\/p>\n

Nancy looked around wonderingly but continued to eat.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t you got no f—–g teeth?\u201d<\/p>\n

The crowd murmured. Nancy looked so sweet all alone there in her flowered dress.<\/p>\n

The Doctor, preoccupied with the failure of his test hadn\u2019t paid attention until he heard this last remark. He turned to Mr. Flannagan, who in repose with a slight smile on his face was saying, \u201cCan\u2019t you swallow, you b—–?\u201d<\/p>\n

The Doctor\u2019s eyes widened. He clicked his stopwatch, grabbed his clipboard and turned on the tape recorder, fumbling for his pen.<\/p>\n

\u201cScratch your a—, you dumb broad!\u201d Flannagan called, beginning to chuckle.<\/p>\n

Nancy finished her cookie and sat quietly, hands folded carefully on her lap. Facing the gallery, she looked inquiringly at the Doctor, who was beside himself scribbling notes, and Flannagan, who was saying \u201cTake it and stick it, if you can\u2019t eat it!\u201d<\/p>\n

A voice from the gallery called, \u201cHey! Leave her alone!\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re full of s—–!\u201d Flannagan said amiably. Other voices joined in. \u201cHey, shut up!\u201d \u201cHe\u2019s crazy!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPump your own!\u201d said Flannagan with a broad smile.<\/p>\n

Then one voice said, \u201cGet him!\u201d And the crowd surged forward over the lecture desks with a roar and stormed the podium. Buffeted by the crowd, Nancy sought refuge beneath the table. A blond fellow punched Flannagan soundly. A curly-haired girl brought her history textbook down hard on a heavyset fellow in glasses. Rather than strike a woman, the heavyset fellow gave a powerful-looking guy in a varsity seater a hard one in the gut.<\/p>\n

Chairs, tables, shouts, cries, and general bedlam ensued.<\/p>\n

Someone kicked over the Doctor\u2019s tape recorder \u2014 still grinding away \u2014 and someone else tore the tape from the machine unreeling it. A hulking young man tripped on the tape and losing his balance lunged forward into the cartons of cookies.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe cookies!\u201d came a shout. Boxes were ripped from cartons, cookies from boxes. Crumbs were mashed into faces, down clothing and into the rug. Above the melee Flannagan could be heard to say, \u201cF— b—, stick it to your mother!\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

After Philosophy class, Karen was to meet the Dean of Students, Mrs. Crawford, a special friend of hers. As she and Mrs. Crawford walked towards Meeting Room 3, they became aware of a tremendous ruckus in progress. One peek through the door and Mrs. Crawford was on the phone to Campus Security.<\/p>\n

Security, with bullhorns, regained a measure of control and disbursed the students. \u201cCome on. This is Security. Get out of here before you get into trouble!\u201d<\/p>\n

Like morning mist, suddenly there wasn\u2019t a student to be found.<\/p>\n

But there were cookie crumbs everywhere. Under overturned tables, mashed into the chairs, the walls, the tape recorder. Groaning, the Doctor rolled over on some empty boxes, a cookie falling from inside his lab coat. Getting on his hands and knees, he hoisted himself up to his feet and stood swaying, cookie crumbs in his hair.<\/p>\n

His papers were shredded, recorder ruined, valuable tape unwound and in knots on the floor, and 14 cartons of cookies strewn around the room. The Doctor sighed and looked around for Mr. Flannagan.<\/p>\n

Flannagan was thoroughly unconscious, a cardboard carton jammed over his head. Security shook him. He opened his eyes and smiled. \u201cF—- you!\u201d he said dreamily.<\/p>\n

Together, he and the Doctor were escorted to headquarters.<\/p>\n

As the last footsteps crunched across the room, Nancy poked a bewildered head out from under the table. Standing up, smoothing her flowered dress, she stared at the wreckage.<\/p>\n

\u201cG\u2014d—,\u201d she said. \u201cIf that don\u2019t f—g beat all!”<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Story by Caroline Meyers, ©1979<\/p>\n

Photo credits
\nFriehofer\u2019s Chocolate Chip Cookies – Freihofer Baking Company<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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